Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
A bitchslap is in order.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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