just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
