So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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