when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Randomize
