You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
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