threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
