Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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