worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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