I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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