Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
