The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
