It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
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