exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
No subtext here. People are naked.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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