he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
