my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
