she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
organizing the empties. That sober.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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