that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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