yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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