Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
