It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
