If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
