During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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