you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
