Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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