It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!