I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.