Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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