I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i permit you to call me
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
25 Men Talk About the First Time They Went Down On A Woman
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
23 Ex Fraternity Brothers & Sorority Sisters Confess Their Most Insane Stories
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
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