After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
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sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
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and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
What happened to fro yo and sex?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day