Texts From Last Night

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  (440): View more from Ohio

  do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?

  (1-440): View more from Ohio

  you should probably use water

  (440): View more from Ohio

  i dont have any

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  (440): do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water? (1-440): you should probably use water (440): i dont have any http://tfl.nu/eak0
  Replies (33) Good night (5953) Bad night (799)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?

  (1-630): View more from Illinois

  did you know it's going to storm tonight?

  (630): View more from Illinois

  You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.

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  (630): Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister? (1-630): did you know it's going to storm tonight? (630): You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser. http://tfl.nu/f4jc
  Replies (15) Good night (3691) Bad night (896)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?

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  (516): Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me? http://tfl.nu/2ksh
  Replies (63) Good night (6350) Bad night (1473)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand

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  (781): what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand http://tfl.nu/hzsn
  Replies (8) Good night (4591) Bad night (951)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.

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  (954): We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers. http://tfl.nu/9jml
  Replies (5) Good night (3871) Bad night (851)
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.

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  (440): I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill. http://tfl.nu/321p
  Replies (2) Good night (2446) Bad night (1061)
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.

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  (816): I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry. http://tfl.nu/d5bh
  Replies (3) Good night (2560) Bad night (1104)
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  professor came back from spring break missing a tooth

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  (651): professor came back from spring break missing a tooth http://tfl.nu/mzcn
  Replies (8) Good night (7211) Bad night (831)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"

  (308): View more from Nebraska

  Stop drinking at work.

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  (402): I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit" (308): Stop drinking at work. http://tfl.nu/v2m5
  Replies (8) Good night (3535) Bad night (863)
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  (415): View more from California

  also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...

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  (415): also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable... http://tfl.nu/fb10
  Replies (9) Good night (600) Bad night (1421)
• Favorite

  (563): View more from Iowa

  I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?

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  (563): I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor? http://tfl.nu/8nw2
  Replies (12) Good night (1643) Bad night (401)
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick

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  (774): stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick http://tfl.nu/dnwu
  Replies (10) Good night (1731) Bad night (556)
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?

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  (913): speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall? http://tfl.nu/3y98
  Replies (1) Good night (690) Bad night (202)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far

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  (301): literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far http://tfl.nu/z1xz
  Replies (5) Good night (521) Bad night (238)
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear

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  (734): If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear http://tfl.nu/bc5m
  Replies (6) Good night (558) Bad night (104)

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