Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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