she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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