so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Randomize
