i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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