this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
my poor anus
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
