also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
