I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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