I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I FOUND THE LEGS
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
