I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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