Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
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