Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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