Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
