is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Well I just put wine in my tea
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
