The maid of honor just puked.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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