fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
this just has baby written all over it
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
