You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
