Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
