making cat noises will not fix the situation.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
