Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
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im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
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I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
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