I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
