if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
