Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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