His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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