Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
