She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
