I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
