people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
