You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
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Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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