I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
