At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
