i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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