The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
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