I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
