last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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