Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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