I think scott just propositioned me for sex
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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