I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
