drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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