you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
