If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
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