dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
