Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
