My balls are so social today.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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