dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
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After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
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Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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