worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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