Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
