somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
why do cheetos always look like penises
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
