After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
