its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i love accidental penises.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
