Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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