he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
