He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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