He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
