I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
