You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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