If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
