Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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